18.

To start off, I would like to say happy eighteenth monthiversary.

This isn't the way I thought it would turn out either, but so be it I suppose. I feel like there is just so much tension between us. Either that or it's all in my head. So many unspeakable emotions seem to be going through your head. My mind is blank and I am completely at a loss of words. You've never been so angry and disappointed in me before. My heart was just hurting last night. It was a feeling I've never had before and I don't even know what to do when it happens. I'm going through the motions of life, yet it feels like I'm not living my life. I'm just simple doing as I'm supposed to. I'm just so dazed. I've made mistakes and been the biggest clutz ever these past days. I can't even bear to smile really. I can't take that photo for you... I have no life left in me to put a smile on. I can't believe what's happening to us. This was never supposed to happen. Things weren't supposed to get this hard... There isn't even a way to fix it really and that's why it sucks. There's no clear solution to the problem. I can't even come up with an idea. I'm desperate at this point and slowly, but surely, approaching the breaking point. I bet you've already been there though. I didn't know you were so angry with me until you said you punched the wall...twice! Gosh, just repeating it makes me stomach do flips. You've never been so angry with me. I'll never get over that. The only time that has come close was when we were breaking up and you were yelling at me. But this time, it's different, you're so angry you don't even have words to say to me anymore. What more can I do? More? Please. I haven't even done anything. I am the most useless person right now. I can't even take you out of your misery. How am I supposed to help myself? I can't do this anymore... please let there be an answer soon.
-dianetong