This is you, 'cause you like to wink at everyone

KD: just kill me babe. I'm the worst boyfriend ever.

I just haven't had the time to sit down and write a blog for you like I've been wanting to. I really really do hate this feelings it's the worst not to have trust from your significant other. I know I screw up alot and I really hate talking about It but I cant always run away from it and I have to own up too it. I know I've always try to work for your trust and when I got it I just totally blew it. And you don't deserve that from me. Cause you honestly deserve nothing but the best. I really really love you babe I hope you know that. I wanna be with you & only you cause I only see you in my future. Your a keeper <3 I just don't wanna keep saying things I already said to you before. Your my most favoritest person  in the whole wide world. I don't wanna lose you ever especially not because of my dumb mistakes. Nor to somebody else

Dt: Honestly,

I got really mad yesterday and I almost went through your whole e-mail and deleted all the emails between us. If you wanna keep other people's shit that they send you don't keep mine.

DT: 1

This has turned into more of my blog than our blog. Whatever though.

Sigh. You know what sucks the most? I've been trying so hard lately. But, yesterday I got all ready for bed and I was laying there about to put my laptop up, send you a text, and turn the lights off to go to bed. Then, as I was reaching for the off button I just had a gut feeling that something wasn't right. There was something that wasn't sitting well with me and my mind just raced through the possibilities. So, I went through everything. Every possible thing you could think of I went through. That's bad of me, I know. But, I have no excuse for it. There it was though. The answer to why things weren't sitting well with me. I saw it then I couldn't stop looking for me. I just kept clicking around and you know that feeling of heart break you talk about to me sometimes? I know what you mean now. Am I disappointed? Yeah. But, you know you didn't just disappoint me, you broke my heart that time. You went against everything you've ever told me. You say you want me to know that you're loyal to me? You know what I think about that now? Bull shit. You're just buttering me up with all the lies right now, and I really can't believe you anymore. You always blame me for not trusting you. I gave you my trust back and you just threw it away again like it doesn't even matter. Like, I'm some kind of idiot who will never know what you do. Well, sorry that I'm a freak and I go trolling through your things. But, I can't say I regret it. I don't. You left it there because you knew I would find it anyways? What is the point of that? So basically that's like saying "I'm gonna like talk with another guy, but I'm not gonna tell you 'cause you know you're gonna find out anyways, so I'll just save myself some time and wait for when you find out." That doesn't make sense. I don't care if it was a week ago, yesterday, last month, half a year ago, or what. What matters was that we were together. I was trying and you went behind my back and did something you should've never done. You're excuse is that you weren't thinking. You're excuse for everything seems to be you weren't thinking. Why don't you just think then? I'm not calling you dumb. I'm calling you irresponsible. If you can't handle a little task like thinking then I really don't know. I don't understand how you could just be like "lalalala this is okay, let me just do this." then you sit down later and you finally think a little and come up with the conclusion that that was wrong. It doesn't make sense to me. I don't do well with things like that. I'm an analyzer and everything I do I've thought about. You aren't making sense to me now. Mistakes are inevitable, but they usually happen once. Yours was over a span of days. So, I don't know where I'm going with this. I'm not even sure if this will ever get read. If it does yay, if it doesn't yay to that too. I guess it doesn't really matter. But, if you are reading this I want you to know that I've been trying so hard lately. You say I don't put my all into things anymore and I have. I don't know why I should anymore though because every time I put my all into something I get something negative back. I don't understand my luck. Why does it have to be like that every time? I don't get it. I don't get it. I really, really don't. Try not to be angry if from now on after you tell me something I respond with "is that the truth?" or "annnnd? is that alll?" Still though, like I said I don't get it. I could make a whole post saying what I think about the things that have been going on. Maybe I'll just go do that. But, then I'll be a bitch. Oh well. So be it. No one will see.

I am one dumb fuckin' bitch.

-diane

dt:

just trying to let it go... i should've never said anything anyways

dt:

I don't wanna do anything. I just wanna lay in bed and sulk. Body, will you just go to sleep please so I can be taken out of my misery? I'm tired of crying.

Dt: sigh.

sinking feeling in my chest, non-existant lump in my throat, and tear filled eyes.

Tonight is a wrap. Let's try again tomorrow.

dt: /':

I guess you just don't care to talk to me... It's understandable. I'll leave you be now, I promise. I love you.

dt: so much for happy 3 months of being official eh?

Yeh, that's right I'm mad and I'm forreal. So, don't be all "Are you serious babe?" Cause I'm telling you now that I am mad. To me, it's not dumb. Btw, If you're upset at me for going to Build A Bear with someone else then lemme tell you what we were talking about most of the time, you. Yeahhh, we were talking about you so I don't even think you should be upset if you are. Monica was there anyways. We talked about you and we talked about his girlfriend. NBD. Idk if you're upset at that but it seemed like it a little or you might have just been mad that I was busy, idk.

OOOOH LOOK I did freakin' call you this morning. I don't know why you think I would lie about that anyways. There ya go. Have fun with it.

D: I'm driving to Seattle! 

K: fjasdkljflasjdfldjs

D: wow way to be the least bit excited

K: it's not like i'm going to get my hopes up, it's not like you drive to Texas anyways

WOW OKAY. Even when I did make the effort to come down there what did we do like most of the time? Follow freakin' Tony around? Yeah. Pretty sure you could have done that any day of your life, but no you had to choose that day to do it. You said we would stop by not follow him all around. Am I mad that we did that? Nah, not really. I guess the real reason I hated that part was because you paid more attention to him then you did to me. You were literally just dragging me around. I wanna stop by and look at something and you just drag my arm to continue to follow Tony. That's fun for me. Who did you talk to? Tony. What did I do? Walk. Yay for me. 

kcuf. 






you always said i never try hard enough or put enough effort into things, now i know how you feel. 

dt

d: why're you up so early?
k: I'm watching the mavs parade!
d: Aww but I want your full attention):
k: It's almost over!
d: Ouchhh/:
k: -silence
-------------------------------------------------
ok then. that's cooooool.

Screw them.

DT: How much is too much?

???

I hate that you have lack of trust in me and just the little doubts how you think I would like someone else when you should know babe that all I want is you. I really didn't tell her to delete it I put that on anything love. You know I let you read anything my business is your business that's why I dont care if your nosy cause I really have nothing to hide. You know all my stuff and thats why you have it cause I want you to know that I'm loyal to you and to know that all I want is you.

ughfuckyou.


so mad so mad so mad so mad. must keep to self. don't start a fight diane... sigh maybe it's time for me to go to bed now...

DT

I'm very bleh with you. I can't believe it...

DT

Sometimes I guess you gotta have those nights where you just cry by yourself. It seems better that way.

I'm sorry you got muted on.
-dt.

DT

Every time I "try" like you want me to, it always backfires. When I try things just end up going South. I'm a fucked up person. Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me. I can make no one happy. I deserve squat.

All I wanted to do was talk to you.

DT

You've changed after I told you that one thing. You may not notice, but I do...
I think what I needed to get over him was to tell you about it cause it's one of the last thoughts in my head nowadays. The new thought that has replaced that is how you've changed since then. You act so different in such small ways... Idk. It may just all be in my head.

DT

You know.. I always get scared to fight with you. The thought that's always in the back of my mind when we're fighting is "Diane, why can't you just stop? If you keep arguing and making him mad he'll just go find someone else." pathetic right? Yeh... I know.