DT: Missouri

Wow, can you believe it's been 260 days since I was sitting right next to you while you were playing poker?

DT: Happy 17!

Hewwooo! Wow, what a month. This month has been one of the most eventful ones that we've had in awhile. We've fought a lot and shed some tears along the way. But, we made it through those thirty or so days. We can make it through another round of thirty days! You're always there for me even if I make it hard for you to be. I'm sorry that I thought about giving up. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess you put some sense into me when you said that we're not going to have a perfect relationship. Relationships can only seem perfect when you look at it from the outside. But, when you're actually in it that's when you get to be a part of the rough times and the good times. Our good times are the best. You always put a smile on my face when we're talking on the phone. I don't even realize it most of the time, but, when I do, I can't help but to be a little embarrassed. Hehe, I'm a shy little flower. Baaaah, we're on the phone right now and I'm all quiet. You probably think I'm mad at you. I'm not though. Sooooooo, know that. I'm just messing with you. You know you love me. Thank you for being there for me Friday night when I couldn't stop crying. Thanks for calling Monica for me too. I know that I made it hard on you when I just told you to go to sleep and leave me be. It made me happy when you said you couldn't bear to go though. You never fail to do sweet little things like that. I know I say it a lot, buuut you are cute! You do such cute things. You're like a little kid. It's cute when you laugh at my lame jokes or stories. Wow, I was smiling as I typed that. How lame is that? Okay well I must go before you worry about me being super mad at you! I love yoooouuu! <333

Everything is not okay. I don't know what to do with myself right now. Can I just sit here and cry all day please? Reality is too harsh.

KD: you had me at hello.

I don't want you to be the one the got away. I want you to be here for keeps. The one i want to call mine. I don't want anybody else but you. I'm done playing games im done with that I've been. I just wanna settle down with you cause your the one that changed everything. I wanna enjoy life with you. The one I wanna call me love. Maybe sometimes I do get to sensitive or I take things to far. Cause I'm always scared to lose you. You really do mean everything to me love. You really do. I cant stand to always arguing with you. But like they say. " I rather argue with you than be with someone else " I know I haven't been the greatest of all boyfriends. But hey I'm trying my best to keep you happy each and everyday. Cause your such a great girlfriend that I wouldnt wanna lose. I love you Diane tran Tong <33(: hope your having a good sleep.  Ps I hope I got your full name right or that would be embarrassing. & I know that was corny(: love you baby!

DT: Speechless.

I really don't know what to say during this situation. All I find that I can get myself to do is sit here and listen to the silence. Is there anything I possibly can do? Is there possibly a right thing to do? Please brain somehow think of the answer because I can't do it. I don't possibly know what to do. All I feel like doing is just sit here and cry. I'm trying not to, but it's so hard to push tears back sometimes. I'm trying the best I can though I promise. I still remember that moment when I found out and my heart just dropped. A million thoughts started to race through my head. I couldn't even logically think things through. I didn't know what to do. I just wished I could've done something.
You saying you have changed. Was that a promise or was that just a statement? Either way, does it really make a difference? I guess what I've really thought about was how different we are. We have different types of consciences. I possess the world's guiltiest conscience. I can barely take a pen from someone. I just don't know where I'm going with this or what I'm saying anymore.
I just want to know what to do. I want to know if there is a right thing to do. I want things to fix themselves. And most of all... I want to know if you've really changed as much as you say you have. Like you used to say "that was how I used to be." The past is slowly creeping into the present in my opinion...


I shouldn't be the one to assume though.
Goodnight world.